The first thing I do in the morning when I wake up is to open our blinds and French doors which lead out to our wonderful terrace. Then I step out and take a look around at the beautiful trees, the view of the Mediterranean and I listen for a few minutes to the Cigales.
Well, this morning I awoke to a big piece of cat poop (the size of pigs-in-a-blanket) on my lovely terrace! Boy was I pissed! I don’t have a cat. What the heck was that doing there?? There was no way I was going out there with that chunk of stuff messing up my neat and tidy balcony.
So I did what any woman would do. I called for Dude and told him to clean it up. That’s right. Don’t even start because all you ladies out there would do the same thing.
Here is how it went
Me: “Dude! Come here! I need help with something!”
Dude (coming into the living room): “What?”
Me: “There is a piece of cat poop on the terrace. Get it.”
Dude (making a ewww-that’s gross face): “I don’t wanna get it.”
Me: “Look at it. Just look at it! Some dumb cat decided to poop on my terrace. You have to get it or the wind is gonna pick it up and blow it in the house! Then there will be a chunk of cat poop on the living room floor.”
Dude: “I don’t want to look at it. I don’t want to get it.”
Me: “You have to get it Dude. You can’t leave it there. Just throw it over the terrace and into the neighbor’s yard. It is probably their cat anyway.”
Dude: “I don’t want to get it!!!!”
Me: “GET IT!”
Dude (as he leaves the living room): “I hate my job.”
Dude finally comes back with some toilet paper in his hand.
Me: “I don’t think that is enough toilet paper. What are you going to do with it?”
Dude: “Flush it.” (Then he goes to get it and realizes how gross and big it is) “Ewwww! That’s sick. Dumb cat… Really?? Did he jump up on our 4th story balcony just to do that!”
I start cracking up as he is carrying it to the bathroom to flush it down the toilet. Mostly because the face he was making was so funny.
If this ever happens again, I’m setting a trap for that dang cat. Nothing that will kill it or anything. Geesh people, I ain’t cruel! You can be sure it will teach the darn thing a lesson, though. Besides there is a perfectly good balcony next door to ours that would be just as useful in the future. Poop Cat can just go visit them from now on.
And for those of you who like photos, I hope you are not disappointed. I purposely did not take one. I don’t need anyone complaining that they threw up all over their keyboard or brand new IPhone.